


bittersweet

by niviehortefense



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Grief/Mourning, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 01:29:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13694052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/niviehortefense/pseuds/niviehortefense
Summary: **Spoils for 3.0 questline and 70 DRK quest ahead!**Just something I thought of a while back and decided to fix up to make it presentable. Has my WoL Nivie in mind but the WoL's gender is not actually mentioned. It's a reflection of the WoL's time w/Haurchefant and how they may be dealing with it after, I suppose.





	bittersweet

A snow squall has set upon you, heavy snowfall blocking out the sun, your only source of warmth. Bitterly cold wind bites at exposed flesh, sinking frozen teeth down to your bones. You're north of Camp Dragonhead, standing vigil over a small, lonely memorial overlooking Ishgard. Your only reminders of whom it’s for being a ruined shield resting against the stone, and the heavy cloak you’ve wrapped tightly around yourself.

You don't remember how long you've spent here, nor why. Mayhap you came here to numb yourself -- to forgive, to forget, or to finally cease your aether’s flow.

Though, you do remember the grueling trek here for refuge seeming a lifetime ago. The weather now is much the same as that day, the only respite that of a peculiar silver haired elezen’s warm smile and open arms.

This was to be the Scion’s new headquarters, the “Falling Snows,” as he proposed – that, you admit, made you laugh, the only sound you made since fleeing Ul’dah. You and Tataru swore Alphinaud jumped clear out of his boots at the sound. So much for formal introductions.

Initially he did seem odd. Enamored glances thrown your way as you left to do this and that for the camp, be it slaying beasts or aiding in the kitchen. How his eyes sparkled in admiration and gratitude as he bowed low and thanked you at the end of each day. It was confusing – slayer of primals being thanked for menial tasks. Not that you minded being able to lend a hand and subsequently forget about the world's problems for a while. It was… peaceful. The kind of life you wished to escape to, someday.

It was difficult to drop your stoic façade at first, but in no time you came to enjoy exchanging stories of your adventures with him. Sometimes he'd even join you during your daily tasks, wanting a break from stuffy paperwork to stretch his legs and enjoy a few bells alone with you.

As you spent more time with him, you quickly understood why those under his command respected him, coming to admire him greatly as well. Though, you suspected “admired” wasn’t quite the right word.

The realization hit you harder than a chocobo's kick one afternoon out with him.  He wasn't exactly odd, no – he was simply completely head over heels in love with you. And you were for him, too.

You were grateful for his company, especially when certain cuddly, murderous creatures managed to get the better of you. More than once you only remembered being struck before waking up in the infirmary, chirurgeons desperately trying to keep him from smothering you. You didn't know whether to laugh or be embarrassed: The famed Warrior of Light bested by a karakul.

When the time to face the primal Shiva came and passed, you could only blush and stammer after being told of his men struggling to hold him back as he learned news of you leaving. The trial was not easy by any means and you did gain new scars, but you came back – you always did. It was what was expected of you. You recall no one being that distraught about your whereabouts, no one truly caring that much about your life. It set your heart aflutter.

On days when raging blizzards rolled through, you found yourself awake well into the night with him, sharing a bottle or two (or three) of whichever far off wines you brought from your collection as a gift that day. Your combined laughter rang throughout the large room, echoing off the high stone walls; it drowned out the howling winds that sent shivers up your spine. Those nights you couldn’t help but accept the invitations to his chambers, couldn’t help how enticing the privacy sounded. It was then when he shielded you from the world, when blood needed not be shed. Only the fragile mask you wore with a heavy heart.

That was something you missed, something you so desperately needed back – not just the intimacy, but the not having to be the realm’s shield, even if only for a night. What you wouldn’t give for just one more... If that is a selfish request you can’t bring yourself to care.

Your chest burns with the heartache, burns so hot you cannot contain it as it boils over. You're using your greatsword as a support now, precariously balanced so you don't fall into the snow and and draw your last breath. Not that you didn’t consider it, though you’d never admit that to anyone. A most informal, honorless death for Hydaelyn’s own Warrior of Light. Her _Weapon_ of Light.

Oh, how terribly you want to cry, but what good would it do; crying doesn't bring back the dead as much as you wish it did, for you cannot recall how many tears you silently shed in the shadows after every battle.

Yet you allow yourself this one moment of weakness, hot tears freezing as they reach your lips, salty and somehow… bitter, you imagine. A reflection of yourself: Bitterly angry at the world, at yourself, even him. Bitter and biting like the wind that whips at your face, forcing you to curl in on yourself further, forcing everyone else away. Bitter like the laughter bubbling from your lips; spiteful, choking. Bitter like the words – your curse – floating up from that dark abyss-flame in your heart to tip of your tongue, that dare not be spoken aloud:

_Woe betides the man who stands opposed to the Weapon of Light, for death will be his reward. Death for him and his kin and all that he holds dear. Woe betides the man who stands with the Weapon of Light, for death will be his reward. Death for him and his kin and all that he holds dear._

This was your fate, the fate of anyone unlucky enough to cross paths with you. Was he truly unlucky to have known you, then? No. You know full well he would disagree wholeheartedly, all the while wiping tears from your scarred face, no judgement to be found in his steadfast gaze; the image brings the faintest smile to your lips, and in your mind you can see – no, feel him smiling a hundred fold in response. It brings much needed warmth and energy to your weary body.

After the hurt fades enough for your ever stoic mask to creep its way to the surface, you turn away from the broken shield and set yourself on a path back towards Camp Dragonhead; you’re drawn to its aetheryte, not needing to see in the squall.

Admittedly, you know it was more than the aetheryte that drew you – you could feel his aether pushing, pulling, guiding you towards a warm hearth and comforting bed. Towards the shield you needed just once more.

Your mind wanders as your feet trudge on, shoulders hunched, braced against the cold and snow. Trying to not collapse once more, to not break the meager thread that held your heart together.

 _A knight lives to serve, there is no greater calling than this_ – but he was so much more than just another knight, he was the hope incarnate you so desperately sought after so long of being everyone else’s.

In the end, you decide you’ll continue fighting. Fighting and living for the day you’ll cast your weapon aside and he’ll welcome you with that loving, adoring smile and his warm, open arms once more.

 _Please, please wait for me_ , you plead. You don't know how long you must wait, continue this unending bloody war. He answers, his sweet laughter drowning out the storm, encouraging you onwards towards the future, one step at a time.

“ _...Think of me, and I will be with you. Always. For where else could I go? Who else could I love but you?_ ”

♘♘♘

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed!! Please leave a comment if you did, I'm trying to improve with my writing so anything would be a huge help. Thanks so much for reading!! :^)


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